Since the day I became a mommy, I have been amazed at how much I had to learn about being a mommy. Don't get me wrong...I was NOT one of those people who thought I had all the answers about parenting before I even became a parent, but I had NO idea how much I had to learn. Here are just a few lessons that I've learned that I do not want to forget as I continue on this parenting journey with Landon and as we welcome a new little beneficiary of my parenting skills.
Lesson 1: Seek Him for answers!
One lesson from Landon's infancy days that stands out in my memory is that there is not necessarily one "correct" way to do everything. I am a perfectionist, and I want to know the "right" way so that I can do it and do it well! However, I learned quickly that there are so many different good ways to get your baby to eat well, sleep well, play well, etc. I had to learn that in order to know what was "right" or best for my family, I had to turn to the One who created us. Now, I'm still a researcher. I read books and magazines on parenting, visited websites, and talked with other moms; but when making my decisions about how to handle my baby, I consulted the One who knew him inside and out.
Lesson 2: Just because something is not "working" like you think it should, does not mean you are doing something wrong. God may be trying to shape you through the struggle.
I was convinced that I was doing something wrong when Landon would only nap for 30 minutes at a time. (I've blogged about this before in my post "Two Lessons about Faith" from Oct. 23.) Landon was not well-rested enough after only 30 minutes, but nothing I did helped. I made sure he had a clean, dry diaper and was sleepy but not over-tired, well-fed, and soothed before nap time. I tried adjusting his nap times earlier and later. I tried letting him stay in his crib after he woke up (he'd stay in there happily for an hour without going back to sleep!). I tried rocking him back to sleep, giving him a pacifier/soothie/etc. And, above all, I prayed!!! Nothing worked! I was so frustrated because I could not get anything done during nap time, and Landon did not get enough sleep to be content while he was awake. I prayed/begged/pleaded with God before every nap that God would let him have a good nap, and every time he'd wake up after only 30 minutes. I remember crying out in frustration to God, "If you won't even answer this simple prayer, how can I trust you to answer my bigger prayers about keeping him healthy and safe?!?!" Now, I am usually a very positive person, but I was very discouraged. Besides, I believe God is strong enough to handle what's really in our hearts; and since He knows it's there anyway, we may as well be honest with Him. Not long after that, I was praying that God would help me to become the woman He wanted me to be. I pondered that for a while, what I thought that woman would be like. I envisioned someone who was always faithfully serving her family, always helping others, a leader in the church, and someone who handled difficult or devastating situations with grace and faith that brought glory to Him. As that last thought crossed my mind, God pierced my heart. I felt Him saying, “How will you ever become that woman (the kind who can battle cancer with unwavering faith or the death of a loved one with hope or a major disappointment with grace and strength) when you can’t handle these little daily trials I’m sending your way?” Wow! These words were not accusatory or condemning. They were whispered across my soul in a loving, authoritative, fatherly manner – like a loving father correcting his wayward child. In that moment, I realized that my daily life was the training ground for my future. I prayed for forgiveness and for strength to change. I still prayed that he would nap longer, and most of the time, he didn’t. It was still frustrating; but instead of ranting at God, I prayed that He would help me to glorify Him in the way I responded to the frustration. I saw each “unanswered” prayer as an opportunity to increase my faith that God knows better than I do, that He sees the big picture when I don’t, and that ALL things (good or bad) work together for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8:28). I had no idea how I would need that faith just a few months later. When we miscarried, I did not have any bitter or angry moments. What a transformation had occurred in my heart! Just a few months earlier I was angry and bitter about unanswered prayers for longer naps. Now, I was dealing with unanswered prayers for the life of my baby; and I was not angry or bitter. I knew that God was in control and I could trust Him. Anyway, my point is that, as a parent, just because things are going "right" with your child, doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. It may just be that God is trying to teach you something that you can only learn through the struggle.
Lesson 3: Seek to please Him only!
Lately, God has been teaching me that my #1 priority in parenting should be to please and glorify Him. I know, I know, you Christians out there are thinking, "DUH!" As Christians, our #1 goal in everything we do should be to please the Lord; and since parenting is such an important job and high calling, it only makes sense that idea certainly applies to parenting. However, I've been convicted, lately, that my goal is not always to please God. I often parent Landon with the goal of making my life easier (i.e. eliminating temper tantrums, teaching my child to obey me the first time I ask him to do something, etc.), impressing others (I don't want Landon to "act up" in public because I want others to think he's a good kid and I'm a good parent.), or even inflating my own pride (My child is so well-behaved, I must be doing a great job. I'm a great parent.). I think that if we're honest, all of us have had these motives when parenting our children. However, that's not what God wants from us. He knows that having an easy or convenient life doesn't help shape us into who He wants us to be. He doesn't care if our children impress others, and He absolutely doesn't want us inflating our egos because of what we have done/can do. He just wants us to please Him. I have been re-evaluating my motives and my strategies for teaching and correcting Landon with the idea that my goal is to raise a "God-loving, God-fearing adult" not a well-behaved child. Wow! How that perspective changes things. I'll blog more about this later, because God is teaching me soooo much about this!
If you're interested in reading more about teaching, correcting, disciplining, and motivating your child with the goal of having a "God-loving/fearing adult," check back! I'm dying to record all of what God is teaching me so that I can sort it all out/organize it in writing so that it will be easier to put into practice, so thatI won't forget it, and so that maybe it can inspire and motivate you as well. Check back soon!
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