A Few Lessons God's Teaching Me about Parenting

Since the day I became a mommy, I have been amazed at how much I had to learn about being a mommy. Don't get me wrong...I was NOT one of those people who thought I had all the answers about parenting before I even became a parent, but I had NO idea how much I had to learn. Here are just a few lessons that I've learned that I do not want to forget as I continue on this parenting journey with Landon and as we welcome a new little beneficiary of my parenting skills.

Lesson 1: Seek Him for answers!
One lesson from Landon's infancy days that stands out in my memory is that there is not necessarily one "correct" way to do everything. I am a perfectionist, and I want to know the "right" way so that I can do it and do it well! However, I learned quickly that there are so many different good ways to get your baby to eat well, sleep well, play well, etc. I had to learn that in order to know what was "right" or best for my family, I had to turn to the One who created us. Now, I'm still a researcher. I read books and magazines on parenting, visited websites, and talked with other moms; but when making my decisions about how to handle my baby, I consulted the One who knew him inside and out.

Lesson 2: Just because something is not "working" like you think it should, does not mean you are doing something wrong. God may be trying to shape you through the struggle.
I was convinced that I was doing something wrong when Landon would only nap for 30 minutes at a time. (I've blogged about this before in my post "Two Lessons about Faith" from Oct. 23.) Landon was not well-rested enough after only 30 minutes, but nothing I did helped. I made sure he had a clean, dry diaper and was sleepy but not over-tired, well-fed, and soothed before nap time. I tried adjusting his nap times earlier and later. I tried letting him stay in his crib after he woke up (he'd stay in there happily for an hour without going back to sleep!). I tried rocking him back to sleep, giving him a pacifier/soothie/etc. And, above all, I prayed!!! Nothing worked! I was so frustrated because I could not get anything done during nap time, and Landon did not get enough sleep to be content while he was awake. I prayed/begged/pleaded with God before every nap that God would let him have a good nap, and every time he'd wake up after only 30 minutes. I remember crying out in frustration to God, "If you won't even answer this simple prayer, how can I trust you to answer my bigger prayers about keeping him healthy and safe?!?!" Now, I am usually a very positive person, but I was very discouraged. Besides, I believe God is strong enough to handle what's really in our hearts; and since He knows it's there anyway, we may as well be honest with Him. Not long after that, I was praying that God would help me to become the woman He wanted me to be.  I pondered that for a while, what I thought that woman would be like.  I envisioned someone who was always faithfully serving her family, always helping others, a leader in the church, and someone who handled difficult or devastating situations with grace and faith that brought glory to Him.  As that last thought crossed my mind, God pierced my heart.  I felt Him saying, “How will you ever become that woman (the kind who can battle cancer with unwavering faith or the death of a loved one with hope or a major disappointment with grace and strength) when you can’t handle these little daily trials I’m sending your way?”  Wow!  These words were not accusatory or condemning.  They were whispered across my soul in a loving, authoritative, fatherly manner – like a loving father correcting his wayward child.  In that moment, I realized that my daily life was the training ground for my future.  I prayed for forgiveness and for strength to change.  I still prayed that he would nap longer, and most of the time, he didn’t.  It was still frustrating; but instead of ranting at God, I prayed that He would help me to glorify Him in the way I responded to the frustration.  I saw each “unanswered” prayer as an opportunity to increase my faith that God knows better than I do, that He sees the big picture when I don’t, and that ALL things (good or bad) work together for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8:28).  I had no idea how I would need that faith just a few months later.  When we miscarried, I did not have any bitter or angry moments.  What a transformation had occurred in my heart!  Just a few months earlier I was angry and bitter about unanswered prayers for longer naps.  Now, I was dealing with unanswered prayers for the life of my baby; and I was not angry or bitter. I knew that God was in control and I could trust Him. Anyway, my point is that, as a parent, just because things are going "right" with your child, doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. It may just be that God is trying to teach you something that you can only learn through the struggle.


Lesson 3: Seek to please Him only!
Lately, God has been teaching me that my #1 priority in parenting should be to please and glorify Him. I know, I know, you Christians out there are thinking, "DUH!" As Christians, our #1 goal in everything we do should be to please the Lord; and since parenting is such an important job and high calling, it only makes sense that idea certainly applies to parenting. However, I've been convicted, lately, that my goal is not always to please God. I often parent Landon with the goal of making my life easier (i.e. eliminating temper tantrums, teaching my child to obey me the first time I ask him to do something, etc.), impressing others (I don't want Landon to "act up" in public because I want others to think he's a good kid and I'm a good parent.), or even inflating my own pride (My child is so well-behaved, I must be doing a great job. I'm a great parent.). I think that if we're honest, all of us have had these motives when parenting our children. However, that's not what God wants from us. He knows that having an easy or convenient life doesn't help shape us into who He wants us to be. He doesn't care if our children impress others, and He absolutely doesn't want us inflating our egos because of what we have done/can do. He just wants us to please Him. I have been re-evaluating my motives and my strategies for teaching and correcting Landon with the idea that my goal is to raise a "God-loving, God-fearing adult" not a well-behaved child. Wow! How that perspective changes things. I'll blog more about this later, because God is teaching me soooo much about this! 


If you're interested in reading more about teaching, correcting, disciplining, and motivating your child with the goal of having a "God-loving/fearing adult," check back! I'm dying to record all of what God is teaching me so that I can sort it all out/organize it in writing so that it will be easier to put into practice, so thatI won't forget it, and so that maybe it can inspire and motivate you as well. Check back soon!

It's Not about Me

I'm back! It's been a WHILE since I've posted on this blog. There are several reasons...holidays, crazy life stuff, etc. Plus, we've been doing a Bible study called 40 Days in the Word, which has a workbook with a journal page for you to fill out each day. So, lately, I've been recording my spiritual journey there. Anyway...I'm back, and I plan to stay!

I love how God's Word really is "living and active" like people say. It always amazes me when I read something I've read scores of times and God whispers (or, sometimes, yells) something completely new that totally applies to my life at that exact moment. That happened tonight.

For our Bible study, I'm reading Philippians (for like the hundredth time in my life and the second time in this study). This week, we are supposed to take the key verse for the day and rewrite it to make it personal by adding our name and writing it as though God is speaking directly to us. Today's verse was Philippians 3:12b, "I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." I have read that verse so many times, and usually I apply it to my life as an encouragement to not give up but to keep serving the Lord because I am pressing on toward the prize...heaven. Tonight, however, God showed me something totally different.

First, I rewrote the verse to be a personal message to me from God. "Nicole, press on to take hold of that for which I took hold of you." The next assignment in the daily journal was to answer the question, "How does this apply to your life and what are you going to do about it?" I prayed for just a moment and immediately felt God whispering to my soul. I need to be more focussed on pressing on toward the goal, obtaining the prize, accomplishing the task for which God placed me on this earth than I am on just living and enjoying each day. I've been so overwhelmed by God's goodness and His blessings the last few months that I have just been soaking it all in. I've been loving life, enjoying spending time with my precious son, cherishing my amazing husband, and eagerly anticipating and preparing for the arrival of our sweet Baby Carson.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that God wants us to bask in His blessings and enjoy all that He has to offer! His Word says that He came to give us life and life more abundantly, and I don't believe that verse is just talking about heaven. However, as Christians, we must remember that our purpose in life, the reason we are on this earth is not just to enjoy what God has given us. If that were so, God could just beam us up to heaven as soon as we were saved; the blessings are much better there! We have a mission. We have tasks that God has assigned to us, goals that He wants us to accomplish while we are on this earth.

I know what some of these goals are, and I believe I am pressing on toward those every day - raising my son to know and love God, loving my husband and serving Him, ministering to my friends, serving in my church, etc. However, I fully believe that God has BIG things that He wants to do through all of us if we will let Him. My prayer is that I will daily seek Him so that I will know what He wants me to do and how to do it.

After completing my journal page, I read Philippians 2 (just because I had read Philippians 1 last night, and we are just supposed to read Philippians at our own pace this week). Of course, as He does, God amazed me again as He confirmed and validated everything He had just spoken to me through the following verses:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility, consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness, and being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross!" Philippians 2:3-8