BIG Mini Lessons - Part 1: Ministering to My Husband

"Big Mini Lessons"…is that an oxymoron?? Mini lessons, in the educational realm, mean short lessons that break difficult skills or concepts into smaller, more manageable pieces. As a teacher, I used mini lessons a LOT in my teaching. They are so practical and can make such a difference because you only teach one simple concept or skill at a time; then, more difficult skills and concepts can be added onto what the child has already learned. Well, lately, God has been using mini lessons to teach me more about being a godly wife and mother and friend and…well, just a more godly ME. As I've stop to reflect on these mini lessons, I've seen that they may be "mini", but they have big significance.

First, God has been re-teaching me about ministering to my husband. When we first got married, I was so thrilled and humbled to be Craig's wife. I really wanted to be the best wife that ever lived! I messed up A LOT, but everyday I prayed about how to be a better wife. I read verses and books about being a godly wife, and I put these things into practice. Now, fast forward seven years - a few moves and a couple of children later. While in my heart, I still want to be a godly wife, somewhere along the way, I lost the drive to do it. I quit trying. Maybe it's because I have more responsibilities than I used to. I mean, the kids (and animals) have to be fed (and bathed and played with and disciplined and taught). The supper has to be cooked. The house has to be cleaned. And I would like to shower at least every other day. That's not too much to ask, right??

Now, don't get me wrong. Craig and I have a great marriage. We love each other. We laugh together. We spend quality time together. We help each other with the kids and the house and the yard. We encourage each other. We hug and kiss...and more ;). We tell each other that we love each other. I'm not saying that our marriage has deteriorated or that I quit being a loving wife. I just quit trying so hard. You know, when you get into a habit of doing something, that thing starts to come a little more easily. Well, I got into a habit of being a "good" wife, and it got easy. So, I quit trying. I got comfortable. Then, one day, I woke up and realized that not only am I'm no where near the wife I need to be or should be, but I'm not even as good a wife as I was in that first year! There are some areas in which I've improved. I am 7 years wiser, after all; but I am not nearly as conscientious about ministering to my husband as I once was. Therefore, he all-to-often gets pushed to the back burner.

When my husband should be my number two priority (behind God only), he often gets put behind the kids and the house work and the church and the outreach/service projects and the girl friends. Like I said before, I still spend time with him and do things with him; and I love him dearly. In my heart, he's still number two! However, my time and focus and energy are often focused more on other things than on him. I spend time on my blog, documenting cute things my children did or said or posting pictures. I spend time on Pinterest looking for ideas to decorate the house or activities to do with the children or recipes to make. I spend time on Facebook, catching up on others' lives. I spend time reading books, mostly parenting books, to help me know how to train my children to be godly or avoid tempter tantrums or raise silly boys to be godly men or be a positive mom. I scour the internet and wrack my brain for service project ideas that I can do with my toddler so he'll have a servant's heart. When I have spare time, I look for areas of my home that need attention - closets that organizing, areas of the back yard that need cleaning up, etc. All of these things are fine and good, except that they take up so space in my life and in my schedule that there is not time for anything else. My days are filled. And while most of the things that fill my life are wonderful and beautiful (like playing all afternoon at the park with my boys as I did today), there is something I'm missing. I'm missing precious opportunities to minister to my husband - the one I am called…nay, commanded to put before everyone and everything other than God. 

So, I'm committing to change. I guess I should say that I'm submitting to change. God has been turning the focus of my heart back toward my precious Craig, and now it's time for my schedule and my priorities to reflect that. How will that look? I'm not exactly sure. I feel confident that it will look different every day. There are a few changes, though, that I know I need to make, habits I need to change, practices that need to become priorities. I'll be posting more on that in my next post. Stay tuned! :)

"I Want To See Jesus"

"I want to see Jesus."

Those are perhaps the sweetest words I've ever heard my two-year old utter. That's right; they came straight from the mouth of my baby. Now, before you go thinking he's some spiritual toddler giant, you should know that we were listening to a song from our "120 Bible Songs for Kids" album on my iPhone and he was asking to see the album cover - a picture of Jesus with children all around Him and in His lap. The way he worded that request though…"I want to see Jesus," made my heart smile. I said a little prayer that that would always be the desire of his heart.

My greatest prayer for my children is not that they would be well-behaved or healthy or safe or successful or happy. Of course, I want all of those things for them and more; but most of all, I want them to "want to see Jesus"! I want them to hunger and thirst for Him. I want them to love His word and delight in serving Him. I know, as I mentioned in my post entitled "Praying for My Boys," that I cannot make that happen. Only God can change their hearts. However, there are things I can do as a mother to help steer them in the right direction.

• I can show them what it looks like to love the Lord, to worship Him, to seek Him, and to serve Him with joy. I am far from perfect, and my children will grow up knowing that better than anyone else! My goal, though, is that they would always know that I love the Lord with all my heart. I mess up, and I seek and accept forgiveness. I live my life in an attitude of worship - praising Him and thanking Him and serving Him when I'm happy or sad, stressed or relaxed, busy or bored, when things are going my way and when they aren't. My children will see me at my best and at my worst, and I pray my love for Christ will shine through both!
• I can talk to them about God. This sounds so easy…so why does it seem so difficult to actually do it? I have found that, in my life, the most likely way for this to happen is for me to actually plan it. Some mornings, I actually think through my day and decide when I am going to talk to my children about God. I may decide to talk about how God made Landon when I'm bathing him at night. I may talk about how God loves us even when we mess up after I get him out of time out. I may tell Carson how precious he is to God as I'm rocking him at nap time. We talk about how God made the animals when we're playing with Landon's Fisher Price Little People farm. I actually plan these interactions based on events that I am sure are going to happen in our day. The more I do this, the more often it begins to happen spontaneously. It's like I just get used to talking about it, and it becomes easier and more natural. Then, I don't have to plan it anymore; it just happens.
• I can play Christian music. In the car, I pretty much only listen to Christian music. (Occasionally, I'll flip the station, but I'm almost always reminded of why I don't want my child hearing that music. Would I really want him singing those lyrics?) When we're playing and in the mood for play tunes, I will turn on our "120 Bible Songs for Kids." Sometimes, Landon will ask to hear some other song like "If You're Happy and You Know It" or "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star." In that case, we listen to those. I do not force it because I do not want it to be something negative.
• I can read the Bible to my children. Every morning at breakfast, we read one Bible story from our children's Bible. Some days, Landon listens intently and responds to the story, pointing out something in the picture or commenting on something we read. Other times, he talks non-stop as we are trying to read the story or asks to see Adam and Eve and the "Bad Snake" seven times as we're reading about Samson. When that happens, we try to keep the mood light and happy by pausing our story, smiling, responding to him before going back to reading. Then, as soon as we finish that day's story, we'll go back and see Adam and Eve and the Bad Snake.
• I can help them memorize scripture. I know for some of you this may sound tedious or unlikely since you, yourself, do not memorize scripture. However, it is soooooo much easier than I ever would have imagined! I bought a little board book from Barnes and Noble that has A-Z Bible verses - a short verse for each letter of the alphabet. Every morning, after our Bible story, we would read one verse, the same one for the entire week. Then, the next week, we would read that verse and a new verse. Landon's memory is better than mine! He knows 9 Bible verses, and he's only TWO years old! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE hearing him recite the verses; and he genuinely enjoys it. He asks to read his Bible stories and his "nother one Bible 'tories" (what he calls his Bible verses). I never intended to ask him to recite the verses, I just wanted him to hear them everyday. However, one day, I started reading the verse for that day, and he just recited it along with me. Now, we take turns…on each 2-page spread, I let him chose which verse he wants to say and which verse he wants me to say. Again, keep it fun and light-hearted…no pressure…kids don't like pressure!
• I can use scriptures in everyday situations. I use scriptures when I'm correcting/disciplining my children. ("Keep your lips from evil and your tongue from telling lies." - when he tells me that he does not have a poopy diaper even though I know he does.) I use them to encourage Landon when he does something well. ("God loves a cheerful giver," - when he shares his apples with Dad.) I use them to teach Landon to acknowledge God's handiwork or His presence. ("God created the heavens and the earth." - when we are playing outside and see the trees, grass, clouds, etc. "Fear not for I am with thee."- when we're going to the doctor.
• I can take my children to church - even when it's not convenient. Last Sunday, both boys slept in (hallelujah!) until 8:00. We do not set alarms in our house because we usually do not need to; so since they slept in, so did we. Well, we have to leave our house at 8:30 to get to church on time. It would have been so easy to say, "Let's just skip this week." Instead, we kicked it into high gear!!! Somehow, we got all four of us dressed (Carson breastfed) and read to go by 8:35! I had to do my make up in the car, but we made it!
• I can pray for them and with them. Again, we started off by scheduling this. We pray with our boys before every meal, before every nap, before bed, and after any punishment such as time out or spankings. I pray for my boys every night before I go to bed and every morning when I wake up. After doing this for a few weeks, I found myself praying simple one-liners for my boys at random times throughout the day. Then, I found myself praying simple one-liners with my boys (i.e. on our way to church - "Thank you, God, that we can go to church." or when Landon wakes up from a nap unhappy - "Help Landon to feel better and have Your joy.")
• I can make all of the above FUN!
  • I do not force any of it! We do read our Bible stories everyday, but it is not a chore. It's fun! If Landon is not into it, we don't make a big deal out of it. We read it and move on. Then, later we look for ways to bring it back up in conversation.
  • Sometimes, I have to get creative. The other day, we were reading our Bible story at snack time because we did not get to at breakfast. We were eating bananas and graham crackers as I read the story of Joshua and the battle of Jericho. After reading it, I excitedly told Landon that there was a song about that story. I played it for him on my iPod (again from our "120 Bible Songs for Kids"). Then, God gave me a brilliant idea…we used the graham crackers to build walls around Landon's juice cup. Then, we used a single skinny graham cracker stick to be Joshua and made him march around the walls we had built. Then, after he marched around 7 times, we blew the trumpet/banana and shouted and knocked the walls over! Landon loved it! Several times since that day, he has said, "Duh duh duh!!! (trumpet sound) And the walls fall OVER!!!" He knows that Bible story well! I always say, "Yes! That's right! Joshua and the soldiers marched around Jericho; and when they blew their trumpets and shouted, God made the walls fall over!" (filling in the details so he might pick up on those as well one day), I was an early elementary education major so sometimes these ideas just come to me randomly, but that's not the case with you, here are a few off the top of my head: act out a story; have dolls or stuffed animals be characters in a story; go on a scavenger hunt around  your house for items mentioned in the story - toys animals for creation story, toy boat for story of the fishermen, etc; draw a scene from the story; for younger kids, just draw/doodle while Mom is reading the story; use household objects to make sound effects that go along with the story; clap every time you hear a certain word. There are tons of more ideas online, but maybe that got some ideas rolling in your brain.
  • We can use silly voices when saying our Bible verses: squeaky mouse voice, deep manly voice, whisper voice, loud voice, opera voice, cowboy voice, etc.
  • I can get excited and talk it up with my children! Your kids' attitudes toward something will often reflect your own!

I'll be honest, some days, it seems as though it's all for naught! Some days, it seems that they're not getting anything; so what's the point. Then, God will send me a little encouragement. Landon will say something like, "I wanna weed my Bi' 'towy" (I want to read my Bible story!), even though we've already read a Bible story that day. On those days, we may read two or three Bible stories. Some days, God gives us teachable moments - Frequently, while staring at the page of Adam and Eve (his new favorite story), Landon will say, "A-oo Eee sad" and I'll say, "That's right. Why are they sad?" He responds, "They had leave garden." Me: "That's right…because they did not obey God. Obeying God makes us happy, but if we do not obey, it makes us sad." The other day, Landon asked to listen to "De-zus nunic" (Jesus music). I turned on "Jesus Loves Me," and Landon sang along while we ate breakfast…sweet, sweet sound! When I told Landon today that I loved him and Daddy loved him but there was someone who loved him even more than we did, he responded, "De-zus!" …THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!

Ultimately, his heart is God's responsibility. I cannot change it. I cannot force my children to love God or serve Him. I can pray for it and I can try to steer them in the right direction. I can plant the seed and trust God to make it grow.

NO Condemnation

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

As a Christian wife and mother, I feel as though I am constantly under attack. The fiery darts of guilt prick at my conscience and hiss in my ear, "You're not good enough. You may be doing well in this area, but you're failing here. Try harder. Work harder. Do more. It's still not enough." In response, I try harder, work harder, and do more; and yet I still feel as though it's just not enough. These thoughts assault me and leave me feeling defeated and hopeless. I am not sure whether these thoughts originate in my own perfectionist personality or in the standard set forth by the church or in the appearance of perfection from other Christian wives and moms; but surely this is not what my Heavenly Father wants for me.

Just today, after talking with a friend struggling with the same feelings, God brought to mind the verse I posted above, "Therefore, there is no no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1. What does that mean? Well, that means that we've been found "Not guilty!" Yes, we sin. We mess up. We fall short. BUT, Jesus took our guilt upon Himself. So, if we are feeling guilty, perhaps those feelings are not from the Lord.

Conviction is a feeling of remorse over sins (whether sins of commission: something we've done - or sins of omission: something we've failed to do). Conviction is from the Lord and leads to repentance, a changed lifestyle. Guilt, on the other hand, is a feeling of failure or inadequacy and leaves us feeling defeated, dejected, and discouraged. This is not from the Lord! I know as a mother, when I'm trying to teach my children to do something, I want them to feel inspired and motivated, proud of their efforts and their accomplishments - not beaten down and discouraged, ready to give up. If I feel that way, how much more would our loving Heavenly Father want that for us??? Thus, these feelings of inadequacy must come from somewhere else; and I think I know where - Satan.

Satan will get to us in any way he can. I do not believe in giving Satan more credit than he's due, but he is alive and well. The Bible tells us in 1 Peter 5:8 that "your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." As Christians, Satan cannot possess us. We are safe in God's hands, and Satan cannot pluck us from there. However, with God's permission, he can get to us. God allows it because He knows that the testing of our faith develops perseverance and helps us to grow.  I believe two of Satan's most powerful tools that he uses to render Christians ineffective is distraction and discouragement.

As a mother, distraction may look like trying to keep a spotless house, trying to make every meal homemade and healthy (or even one meal!), trying to keep our children spotless and perfectly behaved in public, trying to get to all those great pinterest ideas, etc. I am a perfectionist, and I like for things to be "just so" - not because I care so much about what others think, but because I expect it from myself. However, trying to be perfect distracts me from my purpose as a Christian, a wife, and a mother. Trying to please others, trying to please ourselves is, in essence, "Idolatry" because we are putting others' approval or our own over God's.

Discouragement happens often as a result of distraction. We get distracted by all those other things and then become discouraged because we are not measuring up to the standard that we set for ourselves. And often, because we've veered from what God intended in the first place, we're not living up to His standard either. That is where that guilt rears its ugly head. We feel guilty because we are not spending as much time with our children as we want to be. We feel guilty because we cannot keep everyone happy. We feel guilty because our home is a disaster. We feel guilty because we haven't worn make up or dressed up for our husbands in weeks. We feel guilty because we're having BLT's for supper…again. GUILT! That guilt leaves us feeling beaten down and discouraged - a feeling that affects every other area as well. We don't enjoy the time we do spend with our children because we feel guilty that we're not spending more. We are short-tempered with them when they are all crying at once because we feel guilty that we can't keep everyone happy. We brush off our husband's compliment because we feel guilty that we haven't done more to impress him. And so on...

So, what's the answer??? My devotion this morning hit the nail on the head. "Find FREEDOM by seeking to please Me above all else." (Jesus Calling, Sarah Young) Wow! You mean we can find FREEDOM by seeking to just please God??? Freedom? Doesn't that sound wonderful! Freedom from guilt. Freedom from stress. Freedom from the overwhelming pressures of this life! Freedom! So, my friends, seek to please the LORD. How do we do that?

Well, He's not pleased with spotless houses, perfect children, made-up wives, or homemade meals. Sure, those things are nice; and when they're accomplished with joy and peace (not stress and guilt), they can bring honor to the Lord. However, He is just as pleased with a toy-strewn family room, silly children with chocolate smeared on their faces and hair sticking up on top of their heads, wives with no make up and hair in a pony tail, and pb&j sandwiches. What matters is your attitude, your heart. Are you praising Him for your blessings as you're picking up another pair of dirty socks off the floor? Are you asking for patience, grace, and peace as you attempt to handle the fourth tempter tantrum of the morning? Are you singing silly songs with your children as you spread peanut butter on that piece of bread? Are you kissing your husband when he comes home from work and telling him how happy you are that he's home?

This is what God is teaching me. I have not yet arrived, but He is working on my heart…and I am determined to let Him! I will do this by seeking Him first ABOVE all things and IN all things!

Praying for My Boys

I never knew before I had children that I would I feel so utterly ill-equipped to raise these children. Everyday, I am overwhelmed with the awesome privilege and the great responsibility of raising these baby boys to be godly men. It terrifies me. Before I had children, I thought I knew what it would take. I knew that I didn't have all the answers. I knew it would be challenging, but I thought I had what it took. I guess, in a way, I was right…because I have the Lord. Honestly, that is ALL I can rely on when it comes to training them to be godly men. I cannot rely on my own wisdom, my own strength, my education, my training, my experience or background, advice from others, research, or anything else. Sure, I can nurture them and bond with them, creating a close relationship with them the way my mom did with me. I can set boundaries and expectations for them the way my in-laws did for their children. I can discipline them with consequences and rewards the way I learned in school. I can provide a safe, stable, structured, routine for them the way I learned as a teacher in the classroom. I can use the Bible and prayer when I discipline them the way I've read in books that Christian parents should do. I can read the Bible with them every morning at the breakfast table and help them memorize scriptures. I can do all those things and more, but I cannot change their hearts. That has become more and more evident to me in recent days as I watch my little toddler assert his independence with little or no regard for consequences and no remorse when he is corrected or punished. Try as I may, I cannot reach his heart. That terrifies me. That is what keeps me on my knees - seeking God and pleading with Him - beseeching Him to give me wisdom and grace as I attempt to train these boys and begging Him to change their hearts of stone to hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).

Recently, I read a book about praying scriptures over your sons - Warrior Prayers: Praying the Word for Boys in the Areas They Need It Most by Brooke L. McGlothlin. Here is a little excerpt that expressed exactly what I was feeling and perfectly states why we as parents have to pray:

"I cannot hold my children tightly enough to protect them from all harm, cannot force these brothers to love each other well, cannot control their actions, cannot keep them from losing the people they love, can- not ensure that they will turn out to be the men I dream they will be, cannot make them love the Lord.

I cannot change their hearts of stone to hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).

I don’t pray because I can. I pray because I can’t.

Prayer is the coming to the end of myself, the letting go, and placing my hope in the God who can. It’s putting none of my hope in what I can do, and all of my hope in what He has already done. It’s taking comfort in a God who loved deeply enough to save me and resting in the knowledge that He can do the same for my sons. It’s choosing to believe the truth of His Word--praying for its completion in the hearts of my sons--washing it over my tired heart and keeping my eyes on the One who straightens my path. It is enough for me and enough for my sons.

Wearing a posture of prayer as lifeline, hope, desperate plea to the God Who can."

Shining Like a Star…It's Working!!!

Today, Landon earned 4 stars. He's been doing great at not "arguing and complaining" or telling us "No" when we tell him to do something. Tonight, though, he really surprised me.

We've been reminding him about the stars every time he starts to tell us "No" when we tell him to do something. We'll tell him something like, "It's time to go inside and clean up for supper." When he starts to whine, we'll say, "Remember, you can shine like a star…" He usually perks up, smiles real big, and comes right with us. We, then, go straight to our star stickers and praise him for obeying what the Bible teaches…to do everything without complaining or arguing. Tonight was different, though.

We were brushing his teeth, getting ready for bed. He had already earned a star just moments before when he chose not to argue (with a gentle reminder) and to leave his toys to come brush his teeth. While I was brushing his teeth, he took the toothbrush away from me and said that he wanted to do it. I told him he could have a turn while I drained the bathtub and put away his bath toys; then it would be my turn again (he can't really brush them effectively yet). When it was my turn again, he started to protest. Then, before I said anything, his eyes got big and he said "Tarrr" (star) and handed me the toothbrush. Hallelujah! He gets it! I smiled and told him that yes, he was shining like a star and he could get a star sticker as soon as we were done brushing his teeth. I hugged him and told him how happy he was making God and Mommy because he was choosing to obey God's Word and shine like the Bible teaches.

I am so thankful that God laid this idea on my heart! It has been so refreshing to see Landon's attitude changing and his behavior improving. My prayer is that his heart is changing, too!

Don't get me wrong. He still says, "No." He still has fits. We still have to discipline him quite often. I often find myself in a situation and think, "Oh no! I'm not sure about the best way to handle this!" Sometimes, I do what I think is best, and it's a big flop! Sometimes, I try something, and it seems to work. Sometimes, I pray about it; and God seems to be saying, "Let's see what you come up with." Other times, I feel Him guiding me very specifically in how to handle the situation. It's a daily process. I'm learning so much along the way. I think God is using this process to teach me as much as He is to teach Landon. I pray that my heart will be as moldable as Landon's!

A little teacher tidbit…if you are interested in using this idea…older children who are not as impressed with stickers may need some extra motivation. If Landon were older, I might have the stickers on a chart and when he earned 10 stickers, he got a certain prize. Then, when he earned 20 stickers, he got another prize. Etc. Of course, don't loose sight of the fact that we are trying to motivate them obey out of their love for God and their desire to please Him. So, really focus on the fact that they are obeying God's Word and making Him happy. I like to tell Landon that he is making God smile because I fully believe that he is. I also don't just say, "You earned a star!" I tell him that he is shining like a star because he is obeying God's Word/obeying what the Bible teaches.

Discipline - Shining Like Stars

Last night, as I was working on a verse that I'm memorizing, God gave me another discipline idea. I'm working on Philippians 2:14-15, "Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe." I've been working on this verse for two reasons: 1) I think it's a great reminder for me and 2) Landon hardly does anything without arguing (saying "No)! One thing that we do when disciplining him and explaining why his behavior is unacceptable is that we teach him scriptures that deal with a given behavior. So, I thought this verse would be a perfect one to use. One thing, though, that I want to be careful of is that we don't only use scripture when disciplining him. I don't want him to only associate scripture with discipline because it's so much more than that. It's encouraging and uplifting. It's God's love letter to us. It's inspirational. So, anyway, back to the idea God gave me…the verse says that when we do everything without complaining or arguing we shine like stars in the universe. I decided that any time Landon does what we ask of him without saying "No," we would give him a special star sticker. Then, when he fills up his star paper (or gets all the stars from the sticker sheet), we'll get him a special treat.

I was so excited about the idea that I couldn't wait to get started. This morning, after my doctor's appointment, I ran to Hobby Lobby to get some shiny new star stickers. I didn't tell Landon about them because I wanted to wait until we "caught him" doing the right thing so that he would truly understand why he was receiving the sticker. We didn't have to wait for long.

Landon was playing in his play room when Craig noticed he had a dirty diaper. When Craig told him it was time to go change his diaper, he hesitated for a moment; but he didn't argue or whine or say "No." (Let me just say that this completely caught me off guard because he seriously tells us "No" EVERY TIME we tell him to do something. I have just come to expect it. We don't accept it, but we expect it.) So, as soon as he started heading toward his room with Craig, I stopped him and told him how proud I was that he didn't tell Daddy "No." I seriously made a HUGE deal out of it. I told him that he had made God happy and Mommy and Daddy happy and that when he came back from getting his diaper changed, I was going to give him a very special prize. He was grinning from ear to ear. When he came back from getting his diaper changed, he was still smiling, and he said "Tuh-tull pize"/special prize. I brought him over and read Phil. 2:14-15 to him and explained to him that when he obeys Mommy and Daddy without arguing or saying "No" he is shining like a star. (He was only mildly patient during the explanation. He was ready for his "pize.") Then, I let him pick out a shiny star sticker. I had just planned to give him the sticker; but Daddy had the idea to make a chart or something we could stick it to so that we could keep it. We liked that idea better because we could keep the sticker and have a display to show others when they come over.

Landon helped me make the star paper to put the stickers on. He picked out the colors (he just picked the top two colors in the stack), and he helped me glue the large star on the paper. Then, we added his sticker. Not long after, we got to add another sticker to it! When we told him it was time to go get ready for his nap, he stood right up and came without a fuss. Daddy said, "I think he deserves another sticker for being so sweet." I absolutely agreed!

I'm sure we have not heard the last "No," but I am so encouraged by what we started today. I love that we are able to use scriptures for positive reinforcement and that Landon can be rewarded for making good choices instead of just being punished for making bad ones. Even more than that, I love that Landon is learning scriptures, how they relate to his life, and how to "shine like stars in the universe." Keep shining!

Here he is with his star sticker on his shirt. (It's hard to see because he's playing with it.)

Here he is with his star paper and his first star. He now has 2 stars!

Discipline - Picking Your Battles

As Landon gains more independence and begins to assert that independence, Craig and I are having to choose our battles more carefully now. The other day, God spoke so clearly to my heart on this issue that I felt I should record it.

Landon has been saying, "No" A LOT lately. He says it to everything! The other day, I'd been hearing it all day. "Landon, we need to go change your diaper." "Nnno…" "Landon, it's time to eat." "Nnnno…" I was so sick of that word! By the end of the day, I was just tired of dealing with it. I decided I was just going to ignore it and go on about what I was doing. If I told Landon it was time to change his diaper and he said, "No," I was just going to pick him up and take him in his room and change his diaper. As I was following through with this plan, I felt God telling me that I was allowing him to disrespect me (a sin). In allowing him to sin, I was teaching him that his behavior was acceptable. Now, mind you, I was not giving in to him. I was still changing his diaper, but I was not dealing with the disrespect. So, I prayed about the issue and tried to gain a little perspective.

Through my time with the Lord, I learned or was reminded of these things:

• My goal is not to have a well-behaved child who just does what he's supposed to. My goal is to raise a child who loves and serves the Lord. To do that, I have to focus on teaching and reaching his heart, not just focussing on his behavior. I cannot allow sin to go unnoticed or unpunished.
• I cannot give up on doing what is right just because I am weary; I must remain focussed on my harvest (a child who loves the Lord). "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (Gal. 6:9)
• There are areas where I can pick my battles, but I must address any issues of the heart so that sin cannot take root and become a habit or a lifestyle for my child.

So, I now have a new outlook on picking my battles. I can pick my battles when Landon wants to dump his blocks out all over the floor (even though I do not like it). I can pick my battles when he runs around screaming like a wild man in the house (I especially do not like that). I canNOT pick my battles when Landon chooses to disobey something I've told him to do. I must deal with his disobedience. A very common statement in our home is, "Landon, you cannot tell Mommy and Daddy 'No' because that is not respectful and it does not honor Mommy and Daddy the way the Bible teaches. If you tell us 'No' again, you will have to go in time out." We do this multiple times a day (so often that sometimes when Landon is in time out for something else and I ask him why he's there, he'll say "Momma - no" meaning "I told Momma 'No.'") It gets redundant, but we are not growing wearing in doing good.

Discipline - Practicals

Here's what we're doing in our home right now for discipline:

• Natural consequences - These are consequences that vary from situation to situation. They require some creativity and some quick thinking sometimes, but I think they can be most effective at times. Some examples are:
  • If Landon throws his blocks, he gets his blocks taken away.
  • If Landon throws his food on the floor, he has to pick it up.
  • If he is not obeying while we play outside, we have to go inside.
• Time out - This is most effective when Landon just needs some time to decide to make the right choice or when he needs time to cool down. Here are our procedures:
  • Landon goes to his time out spot and has to tell us why he's in time out.
  • We tell him why his behavior is not acceptable (usually with a Bible verse) and what he could/should have done differently. - He'll have to tell us this as he gets older.
  • We leave him there for 2 minutes (1 minute per year of age). Sometimes, though, he has to stay there until he's ready to do whatever it is that we want him to do. For example, he kept protesting to supper (wouldn't even let us put him in his high chair) tonight, so we told him he had to sit there until he was ready to come to the table with us.
  • We return and again he tells us why he's there.
  • We again explain why his behavior was wrong and what he should have done differently.
  • We apologize to mom/dad or whomever was offended.
  • We pray and ask for God's forgiveness and for help to do better.
  • We give hugs and kisses.
• Spanking - I fought with myself long and hard on this one. Craig and I were both spanked as we were growing up, and we both turned out pretty well (I think ;). We have great relationships with our parents. We never doubted their love for us. We're not, nor have we ever been, violent. I think we turned out ok. We had always planned on spanking our children when necessary. That being said, I had a really hard time with it when it came to spanking my own child. It always felt harsh and unloving until I read Creative Correction and Don't Make Me Count to Three. (I highly recommend Creative Correction. It is a wonderful resource! Don't Make Me Count to Three gives some great tips on reaching children's hearts and on spanking, but it seems to advocate spanking as the best and only method of discipline, which I disagree.) With the help of these two books, I changed a few things in the way that I spanked, and it made all the difference. Here's how we do it:
  • We give a warning first. "If you do not stop ___, I am going to have to spank you." (If Landon is doing something that he knows is unacceptable - like pulling my hair when he gets angry - we do not give him a warning first. We skip straight to the next step.)
  • If the behavior continues, we tell him that we are going to spank him and have him tell us why. We also explain why his behavior was wrong and what he could have done differently. Then, we spank him. (This is different than how I was originally doing it. I was warning him first, but if the behavior continued, I would just spank him. I did not like how it always seemed to catch him off guard and how it seemed like a rash reaction on my part to his disobedience. I feel much better telling him that it's coming.)
  • I read in one of the books (can't remember which one), that you should tell them how many "licks" they are going to get before you start. So far, Landon only gets one.
  • Then, we again explain why he received the spanking, why his behavior was wrong, and what he could have done differently.
  • Landon has to apologize and pray for forgiveness and help to do better.
  • Hugs and kisses
  • PLEASE NOTE…we never spank him when we are angry, and neither of us is violent or given to abuse. As a matter of fact, Landon rarely even cries when he gets a spanking. It is very much a gentle, teaching/learning time for him. He is all hugs and kisses and smiles when it's over, and he always corrects his behavior afterwards.
  • Another note…I do not think spanking is the only method for discipline. I think it is one tool, but it is not always the best tool. It works well for a toddler who does not understand long term consequences like loosing privileges or having to do extra chores. I do not think it works on all children, and I do not think it is always a good option.
• Happy/Sad jar - We have not implemented this yet, but I plan to very soon. I am going to have a jar with a happy face and a jar with a sad face on it. Each will be half filled with cotton balls. When Landon does something that makes God (and others) happy, we will move a cotton ball from the sad jar to the happy jar. When he does something that makes God (and others) sad, we will move one from the happy jar to the sad jar. When the happy jar is filled up, we will have a special treat. I am hoping this will help him begin to understand that his actions affect other people and that God cares about our actions. (This idea was from Creative Correction.)
• Fruit of the Spirit Tree - This is another one that I have not implemented yet, but I plan to. I did this in my third grade classroom, and it was great. I think even Landon will understand it. I will have a paper tree and paper fruit cut-outs. When Landon exhibits one of the "Fruits of the Spirit" (Gal 5:22), he will get to put a piece of fruit on the tree. When the tree is all filled up, we'll get a special fruity treat…some fruit sorbet or smoothie or something.

My main concern and prayer in disciplining Landon is reaching his heart. Eventually, I want him to obey out of his love for God. Right now, he is obeying because he wants to avoid consequences or earn rewards. In order for us to reach his heart, Craig and I have to be diligent about seeking God's wisdom in how to handle each and every situation - what words to use when correcting him, how to have a firm but loving tone of voice and facial expressions, having patience when dealing with Landon's persistence, etc. The biggest thing we have to remember is that our handling of the situation should not just correct his behavior but it should lovingly point him to God.

Discipline - Getting to the Heart of the Matter

In our home, we are well on our way to what the parenting community calls "The Terrible Twos" …DUH! DUH! DUH!!!

In child development circles, this is considered a very good sign of development. It means that my child is learning that he is a separate person from his parents and can thus do different things than what they do or tell him to do. It also means that he is experimenting and learning about the world around him. He's learning independence. He's learning that he can make choices and that those choices have consequences.

In parenting circles, this is considered hell on earth. Ok, not really, but close.;) The early childhood major in me is happy that my child is right on target for his social and emotional development. The parent in me wants to sign my child up for behavioral therapy…or lock him up until he can learn to respond with something other than the word "No!"

Since embarking on this wonderful journey, Craig and I have prayed about and discussed extensively how we plan to discipline Landon. I've read Bible verses, Christian parenting/discipline books, online articles, etc. We're going in armed and dangerous. I decided that I should record what we're doing and how we're doing it. I plan to record what's working and what we add, subtract, or change from our plans as we go along. I'm doing this for a few reasons. 1) I want a reference for myself so that I can stay focused on our goals. 2) I want a reminder when we face this with Carson and any other future children we have. 3) I thought someone out there might be able to use something we're doing. 4) This blog's purpose is to record what God is teaching me, and right now, He's teaching me a lot about parenting!

So, the first lesson God has taught me is that disciplining His way is all about the heart. As parents, we tend to focus on the behavior. We correct our children and give them consequences to change their behavior. If the behavior changes, we feel that our discipline was successful. However, I believe that this is incorrect. Think about the Pharisees in Jesus' day. Their behavior was impeccable. They followed the law to the letter; yet their hearts were hard and bitter. If we are to discipline God's way - if we want our children to obey out of their love for the Lord not their desire to meet expectations or avoid consequences or earn rewards - we must seek to change their hearts, not just their behavior.

I am still learning how to do this. It's especially difficult with a toddler who does not understand everything I'm trying to teach him. There are some things that we are doing, though, that I think are on the right track. (Let me state for the record that some of you may disagree with me. There are some "experts" who disagree with me based on what I've read in their books. However, this is what I feel God is leading us to do, and this is what is working for our family right now.)

• We explain or have Landon explain what he did wrong when disciplining him. I'll ask him before I put him in time out or spank him or whatever why he's receiving that consequence.
• We explain or have Landon explain why what he did was wrong. I think it's important for Landon to understand that we have rules for a reason. I want him to know that he can't sit on the dog because it could hurt the dog. I want him to know that he can't tell me "No" when I tell him to do something because it is disrespectful, and God gave him parents to teach him right from wrong so that he will not get hurt.
• We tell Landon if something makes us sad. I do not agree with parents "guilting" their children into obeying. I do not play on Landon's emotions. I do, however, want him to understand that his behavior affects others. I want him to learn empathy. I explain to him that when he kicks me, it hurts me and it makes me sad.
• We tell Landon the right thing to do. I don't want Landon to just hear "no, don't, stop" all the time. I want him to know the correct way to behave. So, we tell him things like, "Don't sit on the dog. That hurts him and makes him sad. You can pet him and sit beside him."
• We use scripture when correcting Landon. The most common one we quote is "Children obey your parents" (Ephesians 6:1) and "Honor your father and mother that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." (Deut. 5:16)
• We have Landon apologize to the one he "sinned against" and pray for forgiveness and help to do better.

As he gets older, he will have to take more of a responsibility in explaining why what he did was wrong and what he could have done differently and who it hurt or could have hurt, etc. For now, we feel that it is our responsibility to teach it to him. I want to close with this verse and a little commentary on it from one of our pastors, Greg Kirksey.

2 Timothy 3:16 "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." God's Word is useful for teaching (showing you the way to go), rebuking (letting you know when you've gone the wrong way), correcting (showing you how to get back on track), and training (showing you how to stay on track). Those should be our goals when training and disciplining our children…to show our children the way to go, let them know when they're going the wrong way, show them how to get back on track, and show them how to stay on track.

The High Calling

Lately, I have been overwhelmed and humbled by the high calling that is parenting! First, we are given the honor, privilege, and responsibility to care for these little creatures - to meet all their physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs. Then, as if that isn't scary enough, we are given the challenge of bringing them up "in the training and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4) As Christians, it is our responsibility to represent God to our children. They will first learn about His love, grace, mercy, discipline - His character - from us. Wow! Who's feeling unworthy now? Ummm, ME!!!

Tonight, as I was reading God's word and praying and reflecting over my day, I became increasingly aware that I am unworthy and unqualified for this task. As an early childhood major and an experienced teacher, one of my strongest areas of "expertise" is classroom management/discipline. My classroom was like a well-oiled machine, with every student knowing what they were supposed to be doing and how to do it; and they did it well. Tonight, as I was reflecting over our dinner experience in which Landon was spanked twice and sent to time out twice (the second time for the remainder of the meal), I realized that I can discipline him on my own. I can teach him how to behave in my own power. I can raise him to be a good, well-behaved, respectful, well-mannered child - all with just my training and experience. HOWEVER, I CANNOT bring him up in the training and instruction of the Lord on my own. I do not have the power, the grace, the patience, the mercy, the love…to discipline him, correct him, and teach him all while pointing him towards our loving Heavenly Father.

In order for Landon to see God in me, I need God's help. I need His help with the everyday, mundane discipline issues we face. I need His patience when I'm faced with a toddler whose will seems stronger than iron. I need His grace when that same toddler has tried my patience all day and now just wants to play a few minutes longer in the bathtub. I need His mercy when, in spite of his best efforts, that little guy fall short of my expectations once again. I NEED GOD!

So, my prayer tonight was that God would empty me of me and fill me with Him. As I was praying, I felt God reminding me that in order for Him to fill me, I had to allow Him to do so. I need to give Him the opportunity to fill me by spending time with Him each day, not just a few minutes reading a quick devotional and saying a quick prayer, but an extended period of time. Time alone with just Him, my Bible, and my journal - where He can point out areas I need to change and teach me things I need to know and show me the love and grace and mercy that I need. Only then, can I extend these to Landon.

Parenting is, indeed, a very high calling. What a privilege and an awesome responsibility!

 

A Few Lessons God's Teaching Me about Parenting

Since the day I became a mommy, I have been amazed at how much I had to learn about being a mommy. Don't get me wrong...I was NOT one of those people who thought I had all the answers about parenting before I even became a parent, but I had NO idea how much I had to learn. Here are just a few lessons that I've learned that I do not want to forget as I continue on this parenting journey with Landon and as we welcome a new little beneficiary of my parenting skills.

Lesson 1: Seek Him for answers!
One lesson from Landon's infancy days that stands out in my memory is that there is not necessarily one "correct" way to do everything. I am a perfectionist, and I want to know the "right" way so that I can do it and do it well! However, I learned quickly that there are so many different good ways to get your baby to eat well, sleep well, play well, etc. I had to learn that in order to know what was "right" or best for my family, I had to turn to the One who created us. Now, I'm still a researcher. I read books and magazines on parenting, visited websites, and talked with other moms; but when making my decisions about how to handle my baby, I consulted the One who knew him inside and out.

Lesson 2: Just because something is not "working" like you think it should, does not mean you are doing something wrong. God may be trying to shape you through the struggle.
I was convinced that I was doing something wrong when Landon would only nap for 30 minutes at a time. (I've blogged about this before in my post "Two Lessons about Faith" from Oct. 23.) Landon was not well-rested enough after only 30 minutes, but nothing I did helped. I made sure he had a clean, dry diaper and was sleepy but not over-tired, well-fed, and soothed before nap time. I tried adjusting his nap times earlier and later. I tried letting him stay in his crib after he woke up (he'd stay in there happily for an hour without going back to sleep!). I tried rocking him back to sleep, giving him a pacifier/soothie/etc. And, above all, I prayed!!! Nothing worked! I was so frustrated because I could not get anything done during nap time, and Landon did not get enough sleep to be content while he was awake. I prayed/begged/pleaded with God before every nap that God would let him have a good nap, and every time he'd wake up after only 30 minutes. I remember crying out in frustration to God, "If you won't even answer this simple prayer, how can I trust you to answer my bigger prayers about keeping him healthy and safe?!?!" Now, I am usually a very positive person, but I was very discouraged. Besides, I believe God is strong enough to handle what's really in our hearts; and since He knows it's there anyway, we may as well be honest with Him. Not long after that, I was praying that God would help me to become the woman He wanted me to be.  I pondered that for a while, what I thought that woman would be like.  I envisioned someone who was always faithfully serving her family, always helping others, a leader in the church, and someone who handled difficult or devastating situations with grace and faith that brought glory to Him.  As that last thought crossed my mind, God pierced my heart.  I felt Him saying, “How will you ever become that woman (the kind who can battle cancer with unwavering faith or the death of a loved one with hope or a major disappointment with grace and strength) when you can’t handle these little daily trials I’m sending your way?”  Wow!  These words were not accusatory or condemning.  They were whispered across my soul in a loving, authoritative, fatherly manner – like a loving father correcting his wayward child.  In that moment, I realized that my daily life was the training ground for my future.  I prayed for forgiveness and for strength to change.  I still prayed that he would nap longer, and most of the time, he didn’t.  It was still frustrating; but instead of ranting at God, I prayed that He would help me to glorify Him in the way I responded to the frustration.  I saw each “unanswered” prayer as an opportunity to increase my faith that God knows better than I do, that He sees the big picture when I don’t, and that ALL things (good or bad) work together for the good of those who love Him (Rom. 8:28).  I had no idea how I would need that faith just a few months later.  When we miscarried, I did not have any bitter or angry moments.  What a transformation had occurred in my heart!  Just a few months earlier I was angry and bitter about unanswered prayers for longer naps.  Now, I was dealing with unanswered prayers for the life of my baby; and I was not angry or bitter. I knew that God was in control and I could trust Him. Anyway, my point is that, as a parent, just because things are going "right" with your child, doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. It may just be that God is trying to teach you something that you can only learn through the struggle.


Lesson 3: Seek to please Him only!
Lately, God has been teaching me that my #1 priority in parenting should be to please and glorify Him. I know, I know, you Christians out there are thinking, "DUH!" As Christians, our #1 goal in everything we do should be to please the Lord; and since parenting is such an important job and high calling, it only makes sense that idea certainly applies to parenting. However, I've been convicted, lately, that my goal is not always to please God. I often parent Landon with the goal of making my life easier (i.e. eliminating temper tantrums, teaching my child to obey me the first time I ask him to do something, etc.), impressing others (I don't want Landon to "act up" in public because I want others to think he's a good kid and I'm a good parent.), or even inflating my own pride (My child is so well-behaved, I must be doing a great job. I'm a great parent.). I think that if we're honest, all of us have had these motives when parenting our children. However, that's not what God wants from us. He knows that having an easy or convenient life doesn't help shape us into who He wants us to be. He doesn't care if our children impress others, and He absolutely doesn't want us inflating our egos because of what we have done/can do. He just wants us to please Him. I have been re-evaluating my motives and my strategies for teaching and correcting Landon with the idea that my goal is to raise a "God-loving, God-fearing adult" not a well-behaved child. Wow! How that perspective changes things. I'll blog more about this later, because God is teaching me soooo much about this! 


If you're interested in reading more about teaching, correcting, disciplining, and motivating your child with the goal of having a "God-loving/fearing adult," check back! I'm dying to record all of what God is teaching me so that I can sort it all out/organize it in writing so that it will be easier to put into practice, so thatI won't forget it, and so that maybe it can inspire and motivate you as well. Check back soon!

It's Not about Me

I'm back! It's been a WHILE since I've posted on this blog. There are several reasons...holidays, crazy life stuff, etc. Plus, we've been doing a Bible study called 40 Days in the Word, which has a workbook with a journal page for you to fill out each day. So, lately, I've been recording my spiritual journey there. Anyway...I'm back, and I plan to stay!

I love how God's Word really is "living and active" like people say. It always amazes me when I read something I've read scores of times and God whispers (or, sometimes, yells) something completely new that totally applies to my life at that exact moment. That happened tonight.

For our Bible study, I'm reading Philippians (for like the hundredth time in my life and the second time in this study). This week, we are supposed to take the key verse for the day and rewrite it to make it personal by adding our name and writing it as though God is speaking directly to us. Today's verse was Philippians 3:12b, "I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." I have read that verse so many times, and usually I apply it to my life as an encouragement to not give up but to keep serving the Lord because I am pressing on toward the prize...heaven. Tonight, however, God showed me something totally different.

First, I rewrote the verse to be a personal message to me from God. "Nicole, press on to take hold of that for which I took hold of you." The next assignment in the daily journal was to answer the question, "How does this apply to your life and what are you going to do about it?" I prayed for just a moment and immediately felt God whispering to my soul. I need to be more focussed on pressing on toward the goal, obtaining the prize, accomplishing the task for which God placed me on this earth than I am on just living and enjoying each day. I've been so overwhelmed by God's goodness and His blessings the last few months that I have just been soaking it all in. I've been loving life, enjoying spending time with my precious son, cherishing my amazing husband, and eagerly anticipating and preparing for the arrival of our sweet Baby Carson.

Don't get me wrong, I believe that God wants us to bask in His blessings and enjoy all that He has to offer! His Word says that He came to give us life and life more abundantly, and I don't believe that verse is just talking about heaven. However, as Christians, we must remember that our purpose in life, the reason we are on this earth is not just to enjoy what God has given us. If that were so, God could just beam us up to heaven as soon as we were saved; the blessings are much better there! We have a mission. We have tasks that God has assigned to us, goals that He wants us to accomplish while we are on this earth.

I know what some of these goals are, and I believe I am pressing on toward those every day - raising my son to know and love God, loving my husband and serving Him, ministering to my friends, serving in my church, etc. However, I fully believe that God has BIG things that He wants to do through all of us if we will let Him. My prayer is that I will daily seek Him so that I will know what He wants me to do and how to do it.

After completing my journal page, I read Philippians 2 (just because I had read Philippians 1 last night, and we are just supposed to read Philippians at our own pace this week). Of course, as He does, God amazed me again as He confirmed and validated everything He had just spoken to me through the following verses:

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility, consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness, and being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death, even death on a cross!" Philippians 2:3-8