Anyone who knows me well can tell you that I am a perfectionist, an over-achiever. By nature, I have an intense drive and desire to be the best at anything I set out to do. If I see that I am not good at something, I either do not want to do it at all; or I throw myself into it, jumping in with both feet, and become (or at least try to become) the best there ever was. I'm not ok with simply being ok. Or at least, I'm not naturally that way.

Some of you may be thinking, "That sounds like a great nature to have." In some ways, it is. I am usually quite successful in my endeavors. Whatever I set my mind to, I do and do it well. Because I avoid things that I'm not good at and excel in things I am good at, I excel in most everything I do.

However, God is gradually revealing to me the flaws in my nature. He's teaching me that this personality trait that I was born with or picked up somewhere along the way can become an idol and a sin if I don't give it over to Him daily!

For one thing, I am never satisfied with my efforts. When I was in school, Craig used to tease me about this. I'd turn in a paper and call him crying, certain that I'd fail. A few days later, I would call him, astounded and excited that not only had I not failed, but I had actually earned an A! It wasn't that I was humble and didn't want to say, "I'm gonna get an A." It wasn't that the paper was that difficult to write or the professor was that difficult to please. The problem was that I was that difficult to please. Had I been grading it, I would have given myself a failing grade. (Side-note: Don't worry. I'm not that hard on anyone else. I was never that hard on my students. I'm only that hard on myself.) Another example: I've always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom; but one of the reasons that I do not have a desire to go back to teaching, even when my children start school, is because I'm not sure I can be the kind of mom I want to be and be the kind of teacher I want to be. As a teacher, I rarely left the school before 6:00, and I spent most of my hours at home working on creative lesson ideas, grading papers, and drafting parent letters. Even after all that (usually a 12-14 hour work day), I still was not happy with what I produced. I wasn't the "perfect teacher" that I wanted to be. Knowing this about myself, I know that there is no way I can be the "perfect teacher" and be the "perfect mom" that I want to be. I am beginning to wonder if I'll ever be able to go back to work and be the kind of employee and mom and wife and friend (and on and on) that I want to be...

Another truth that God has revealed to me about my perfectionism is that it closely favors a certain characteristic of Satan...the desire to be God. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW that I can never be perfect, but I EXPECT to be. My perfectionism is so intense that it's as if I think I can be God. Obviously, I know I can't be; and when I word it like that, I can honestly say, "I don't want that." However, my actions and my attitude toward myself and my performance very clearly send the message that "I want to be perfect, and I can be if I try hard enough. I won't be satisfied if I'm not." That's sinful!

Finally, I'm learning that the sin of pride piggybacks on the sin of perfectionism. A friend once asked me if my drive for perfection was to win the praise and approval of others. I can honestly say that no, it's not about others' approval. It's about my own. It's about living up to a standard that I set for myself. When I do manage to live up to that standard, I become quite prideful. I think, "I'm great at _______. I'm so smart. I could be successful at anything I wanted to do." Hmm...what's missing from those statements? God! My gifts and talents and any success I may achieve is only by the grace of God! My perfectionism tends to cloud my vision so that I only see my intense efforts to accomplish what I set out to do, and I do not see God's hand, guiding me through.

So, there's a little honesty for you. Let me say, quickly, that I do not think there is anything wrong with being driven and motivated. The Bible tells us that whatever we do, we should work at it with all our hearts as unto the Lord and not men. It's only sinful when it becomes all about you - what you can or can't do, when it's accompanied by self-exalting pride, or when your efforts are never enough.

Lord, thank you for creating me the way that You did and for allowing me to have the life experiences that have shaped me into the woman I am today. Help me to give my strengths to You so that You can use them more mightily than I ever imagined and to give my weaknesses to You so that You can be strong in me. Amen!


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Location:Perfectionism...the "Perfect" Sin

This weekend, I had the privilege of attending the Women of Faith conference with my mom, mother in law, and sisters in law. Not only did I enjoy some quality time with these precious "women of faith" in my life, but I also was encouraged, challenged, and inspired by some amazing speakers, singers, and actresses at the conference.

I wanted to blog about some of the insights that I gleaned this weekend.

1. In this life we will have trouble! Of course, the Bible teaches that; but as I listened to each of these godly women (and one man) share their life stories, I was astounded to hear of the struggles and trials they've experienced along the way. The first speaker we heard was Patsy Clairmont, a spunky, godly grandmother and gifted speaker and author who had been a high school drop out and runaway as a teenager and an agoraphobic as a young adult. The second speaker we heard was Andy Andrews who was a comedic, energetic, if slightly scattered, man and was also a gifted Christian speaker and writer. At the age of 19, he lost both of his parents and became homeless, living under a pier and in people's garages. We heard Sandi Patty (you know her) speak of her struggle with her weight and of a time in her life where she had such a sever anxiety attack that she was taken to the ER and discovered that she didn't feel like she was good enough or that there was enough of her to go around. We heard Brenda Warner (Kurt Warner's wife) speak of her struggles with trust as her first husband was unfaithful and left her to care for their unborn child (she was 8 months pregnant) and their blind, brain-damaged toddler. Over and over again, the message was the same - God got me through! God was my strength! His grace was sufficient for me! He can and WILL do it for you, too!

2. You never know what someone else is going through. As I listened to all of these stories of struggle, I was overwhelmed by the thought that we ALL have struggles. We all face storms. You never know what the person next to you is going through - whether it's a difficult life experience or a specific struggle with sin. I was reminded of a day not too long ago when I was going through a very difficult experience. I encountered a particularly rude individual, and I was particularly rude in return. As I was fuming over the encounter, I kept thinking, "If she only knew what I was going through right now!!!" Couldn't we all say that? I will definitely keep this in mind when dealing with outsiders, and I will be more diligent about truly asking and caring how my friends are doing!

3. "When we've seen God be faithful in the past, we can know and trust that He will be faithful in the future. God is our enough." - Sandi Patty

4. Exodus 14:14 - "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." WOW! Love that one! Commit this one to memory. Write it on your bathroom mirror. This is a verse I've read time and time again and never really noticed. I will cling to this one when I'm going through the inevitable storms of life.

5. God cares enough about us and the little details in our lives that He even knows the number of hairs on our heads when that's something we don't even consider or care about. If He's that interested in the hairs on our heads, how much more does He care about our struggles, fears, temptations, feelings of inadequacy, etc?

There's so much more that God showed me through this weekend. Some of it has escaped my memory for the time being. I should have taken notes when I got home each night, but I was busy spending time with my family. Other insights are just simple truths that are still growing into a "Word from Him" in my heart and mind. They're ones that I'll need to reflect on and pray about for a while before I know exactly what God is teaching me through them. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed these insights and that if you ever have the opportunity, you attend a Women of Faith conference. You'll be glad you did! :)

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Location:Wisdom from Women of Faith

What Goes In

You've heard the saying "What goes in must come out." The Bible even tells us that out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks and that the good man brings forth good from the good in his heart. I have certainly found this to be true in my life.

The other day, our day got off to a rough start. Landon woke up earlier than he usually does and earlier than I wanted to get up! Having not had enough sleep, he was quite cranky. I had gone to bed late the night before and had definitely not had enough sleep; thus I was cranky as well.

After Landon ate breakfast, I decided a Starbucks cafe vanilla frappucino was definitely in order. So, I grabbed my breakfast to eat on the way, put Landon in the car, and took off. When I'd almost reached the end of our road, I heard something roll off the top of the car...my breakfast. Grrr... So, there went my breakfast. Already, I could tell that this was not going to be a great day.

I know nothing catastrophic had happened, but I was very frustrated and already wishing away the day. In the short drive to Starbucks, however, I made a decision that I was going to embrace the day, come what may, and make the most of it. I wasn't going to whine or complain or choose to be miserable. I was going to choose joy. I knew, however, that I did not have the strength to do that on my own.

Here's the "what goes in" lesson...as soon as I acknowledged that I could not do it on my own, God brought a verse to my mind, "The Lord is my strength and my song." Now, before you go thinking that I'm super spiritual and had that verse memorized and ready to remember in a moment of need, let me tell you where I learned that verse. Landon's Baby Faith video! I love those Baby Faith videos for him for two reasons: 1. He loves them and is mesmerized by them unlike any other video he's ever seen. 2. They teach a Bible story, quote verses, and play hymns as background music. They are very simple, basic videos - similar concept to the Baby Einstein. When I got them, I thought, "Oh, how great this will be for him (not me). It will help me teach him God's word." I never thought it would help me.

It did! Here I was - deciding to be joyful in a situation where I would need God's strength to do so - and the verse, "The Lord is my strength and my song (joy)" comes to mind. Now, mind you, I had not sat and watched that video in earnest, trying to glean wisdom from the hand puppets. Nor had I watched it repeatedly day in and day out. Nor had I chosen to bring that verse to mind. It came unbidden because it's what I had "put in." It's what I had allowed in through my senses; and, therefore, it's what came out.

I began to think, "What else am I putting in?" Are my music, television, and conversation choices filling my heart with good things? I'm usually pretty careful not to fill it with "bad" things, but are they GOOD? Am I spending more time reading Facebook status updates than I am spending in my Bible? Umm...yes. Am I choosing to talk about something that someone did to get on my nerves instead of something that honors God? Umm...yes. Am I watching television shows that embrace homosexuality and pornography and pre-marital sex as normal? Umm...yes. So, although these shows and conversations, etc. may not necessarily be "bad." The question is, are they good? I've only got so much room in my heart and mind. How do I want to fill that space? What do I want to put in? I guess a better question is - What do I want to come out?

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It’s a Choice

This is a devotional that I wrote for our church.  We were asked to choose our favorite verse and write a devotional that followed a certain format.  I had a tough time choosing a verse, because I have sooo many favorite verses.  However, lately, this is the one that has kind of been my “theme verse.”  I just thought I’d share it with you guys.

 

Key Verses: “But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…but as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24:15a,c)

Main Idea: Serving God is a choice. It is deliberate.

Reflection: Most of us, especially those of us who live in the southern states known as the “Bible Belt,” would say that we want to serve God and that we want our households to serve God. However, that’s usually as far as it goes – we say we want to serve God. We may even go through all the right motions. We go to church; we say “grace” before our meals; we tithe and give money to other worthy causes. But are we really serving the Lord, or are we just going through the motions?

In Joshua 24:15, Joshua gives the people of Israel an ultimatum. He tells them to make a choice – whom will they serve – the one true Lord or the gods/idols of their ancestors? You are faced with that choice as well. Whom will you serve – the one true Lord or the idols of our day?

Our idols are not the same today as they were in Joshua’s time. Very few of people in our society have carved images of false gods that they actually pray to and bow down to (though some do). Most commonly, our idols are things like work, money, power, prestige, pride, social class, church involvement, even family – anything that takes a place of prominence before the Lord in our hearts and lives.

I know in my own life, I struggle to keep my priorities in order. I am a new mom, and the duties of mom and wife often take precedence over serving the Lord. I mean, let’s face it, I don’t have the time or the energy to spend hours in prayer and Bible study when I have a toddler at my feet, dishes in the sink, laundry in the washer, etc. None of us have “extra” time to allot for Bible study and prayer. So, what do we do? How do we serve the Lord when it seems like we barely have the time and energy to do what has to be done?

The answer is just what Joshua told the Israelites – we must choose.

· We must choose to spend time with God. – I once heard someone say that time spent with the Lord could never be better spent doing something else. Choose to spend time with the Lord. Get up early or stay up late. Close yourself in the office for lunch and spend that time in prayer. Choose to ride with the radio off or worship music playing so that you can pray while you drive (with your eyes open, of course J).

· We must choose to throw away our idols. – Anything that you put before God in your heart must be thrown out (or put in its rightful place). If it is something sinful like pride, repent and ask God to help you rid your life of it; then take steps to do that. If it is something good like family, ask God to help you put it in the prioritized order where it belongs – after Him; then, take steps to do just that.

· We must choose to serve God in all that we do. – 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” Serve God in the office by having a good attitude when the copy machine “eats” your document or when you don’t get the account you’ve been trying to get. Serve God in the car by being patient when someone cuts you off or goes ten miles an hour under the speed limit when you are in a hurry. Serve God at home by praying for your family as you fold their clothes or cook their dinner.

So, choose for yourself this day whom you will serve; but as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.

Discussion Questions:

1. What are some idols in your life?

2. Are these things that you need to throw out or re-prioritize?

3. What are some ways that you can serve the Lord in your daily activities?

Activity:

Read Joshua 24:1-15. In verses 1-13, Joshua reminds the children of Israel about all the Lord has done for them. Then, in verses 14-15, he tells them to throw away their idols and to serve the Lord. Take time as a family to list the things God has done in your lives individually and as a family. Write them down. At the bottom of the list, write our key verse for today, Joshua 24:15a,c: “But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve…but as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Now, place this somewhere in your home where you will see it, and it can serve as a daily reminder of whom you serve and why.

More Lessons from Romans 12 & Luke 6

Our society teaches us that we should look out for number one, take care of ourselves first, not let anyone take advantage of us or get the best of us, etc; but God’s Word teaches us something very different.

 

Our pastor has been teaching a series on families for the past several weeks.  Last Sunday, he showed a clip from a news show.  The clip was footage recorded live from a baseball game.  A foul ball was headed to the stands and several fans were trying to catch it.  The person who ended up with the ball was a twelve-year-old boy named Ian.  As he walked back to his seat, he noticed that another boy about his age was upset because he didn’t get the ball.  Ian turned around, walked back down the stairs, and gave his souvenir foul ball to the other boy.  The announcers for the baseball game were shocked and kept commenting on what a “well-bred” boy he was and how unusual something like that was.  When he was interviewed, Ian said that’s just how his parents raised him.  He shrugged his shoulders and said something like, “It’s just natural.”

 

I’d love for Landon to grow up to be the kind of selfless, thoughtful child who would put another’s happiness before his own.  I left church that day asking myself, “How do we train Landon to be that way?  What do we do, what habits do we model and instill in him that will make this type of behavior natural?”  Of course, I know the “correct” answer…model selflessness, take advantage of teachable moments, blah, blah, blah…

 

That night, as I settled in for my quiet time, I opened my Bible and began reading the chapters that I had been studying for the past few days, Romans 12 & Luke 6.  I was amazed to see that these verses I’d been studying dealt with this very issue.  (Before, I’d been focusing on other verses that dealt with not judging - as seen in my previous post - and offering our bodies as living sacrifices.)

 

Romans 12:3, 17-21

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.  Do not repay evil for evil.  Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.  On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.  In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”  Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Luke 6:27-31

But I tell you who hear me: Love you enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.  If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.  If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic.  Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back.  Do to others as you would have them do to you.

 

As I was reading these verses, God spoke to my heart about how we can truly teach ourselves and our children to have that kind of attitude and that kind of heart.  We have to do as it says in Romans 12:2 “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind…”  Somewhere along the way, I’d bought into the world’s idea that I should look out for myself and not let anyone take advantage of me.  I had conformed.  Now, God’s word is transforming me, renewing my mind.  If I am to teach my child what it means to be selfless.  I have to actually be selfless.  (I know, duh, right?)  But really, I can’t just tell him to do it and pretend that I am selfless.  I actually have to lay down my desires, put myself last.  I don’t have a problem doing this for my family and my friends, but Luke 6:32 says, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them.”  This comes right after the verses about loving your enemies.  I am supposed to be selfless and put my enemies needs and wants before my own – the rude lady at the grocery store, the person who cut me off on the drive home, the child who took my child’s toy away from him, the person who criticized me, etc.  Anytime my human nature bows up and says, “I don’t have to take that,” God’s word says, “You don’t have to, but you need to.” 

 

Wow!  What a witness we could be for Christ if all of His followers committed to do that!  It’s easy to say in theory, “I love my enemies.”  I don’t really think I have any enemies, and I work hard to have love in my heart for even the people who have hurt me.  However, it’s something totally different to willingly let someone take advantage of you, to turn the other cheek, to give someone you tunic when they’ve already taken your cloak.  I think I’m gonna need some God strength for that one!

 

Lord, help me to love my enemies, to put others’ needs and wants before my own, and to teach my son what it means to truly be selfless!  I can’t do it alone, but I know I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!

Judging Others

The other night, as I was reading Romans 12, God really spoke to me.  Romans 12:3 says, “For by the grace given me, I say to every one of you: do not think of yourselves more highly than you ought.”  Later, verses nine through ten say, “Love must be sincere.  Hate what is evil ; cling to what is good.  Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.  Honor one another above yourselves.”

 

Today, I was reading Karen Kingsbury’s Shades of Blue.  In it, one of the characters was facing a difficult situation and was studying and trying to live out Luke 6:37 which says, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged...”

 

Lately, God has been teaching me about pride and judgment.  I hesitated to write this post because I didn’t want others to judge me...because admitting my sins wounds my pride.  However, I want to be real; and one of the purposes of this blog is to record what God is teaching me so that I don’t forget.  So, here goes...I often struggle with pride and being judgmental. 

 

Surprisingly, I do not judge other people’s sins or their Christian walk or lack there of.  I have always been very compassionate and merciful when it came to sins.  I know that there are too many sins in my life for me to judge others.  I learned long ago the truth of the words in Luke 6:41 that state, “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” 

 

Because I was so careful not to judge others’ sins, I never really took time to consider the verses that dealt with judging others or being prideful.  I always thought, “Well, I’m ok there.  I don’t do that.”  However, lately, God has been convicting me of the hidden sins in my heart.  (I love how God’s word is alive and active and able to convict me and speak to me through verses I’ve read probably dozens of times.)  My judgment is limited to the “non-spiritual” things.  I judge other people’s appearances – I often try to figure out if someone is confident/shy or wealthy or fashion-savvy by they way they are dressed.  I judge people’s parenting styles (though I must say, I do this much less now that I am a parent!) - I’ll see a parent doing something or a child doing something while their parent watches and I’ll think, “They are not handling that appropriately.  If I were them, I’d...” or “I’d never let my child do that.”  I judge people’s intelligence by the way they talk or their grammar on Facebook (just being honest).  All of a sudden, it was as if God hit me over the head and said, “You’re judging my children!  You’re thinking of yourself more highly than you ought!  You’re not honoring others above yourself!  You’re sinning!”

 

As a Christian, I am called to love others, and God’s word says in Romans 12:9 that love is sincere.  It’s genuine, heartfelt, earnest!  If my love is to be like that, there is no room for judgment.  I can’t love someone sincerely while I am secretly thinking I am a better dresser or a better parent or more intelligent or whatever! 

 

Lord, forgive me for my pride and my judgment.  Thank you for Your word that pierces my heart when I least expect it.  Help me to love your people sincerely and remember my place...a servant of YOU!