Praying for My Boys

I never knew before I had children that I would I feel so utterly ill-equipped to raise these children. Everyday, I am overwhelmed with the awesome privilege and the great responsibility of raising these baby boys to be godly men. It terrifies me. Before I had children, I thought I knew what it would take. I knew that I didn't have all the answers. I knew it would be challenging, but I thought I had what it took. I guess, in a way, I was right…because I have the Lord. Honestly, that is ALL I can rely on when it comes to training them to be godly men. I cannot rely on my own wisdom, my own strength, my education, my training, my experience or background, advice from others, research, or anything else. Sure, I can nurture them and bond with them, creating a close relationship with them the way my mom did with me. I can set boundaries and expectations for them the way my in-laws did for their children. I can discipline them with consequences and rewards the way I learned in school. I can provide a safe, stable, structured, routine for them the way I learned as a teacher in the classroom. I can use the Bible and prayer when I discipline them the way I've read in books that Christian parents should do. I can read the Bible with them every morning at the breakfast table and help them memorize scriptures. I can do all those things and more, but I cannot change their hearts. That has become more and more evident to me in recent days as I watch my little toddler assert his independence with little or no regard for consequences and no remorse when he is corrected or punished. Try as I may, I cannot reach his heart. That terrifies me. That is what keeps me on my knees - seeking God and pleading with Him - beseeching Him to give me wisdom and grace as I attempt to train these boys and begging Him to change their hearts of stone to hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).

Recently, I read a book about praying scriptures over your sons - Warrior Prayers: Praying the Word for Boys in the Areas They Need It Most by Brooke L. McGlothlin. Here is a little excerpt that expressed exactly what I was feeling and perfectly states why we as parents have to pray:

"I cannot hold my children tightly enough to protect them from all harm, cannot force these brothers to love each other well, cannot control their actions, cannot keep them from losing the people they love, can- not ensure that they will turn out to be the men I dream they will be, cannot make them love the Lord.

I cannot change their hearts of stone to hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26).

I don’t pray because I can. I pray because I can’t.

Prayer is the coming to the end of myself, the letting go, and placing my hope in the God who can. It’s putting none of my hope in what I can do, and all of my hope in what He has already done. It’s taking comfort in a God who loved deeply enough to save me and resting in the knowledge that He can do the same for my sons. It’s choosing to believe the truth of His Word--praying for its completion in the hearts of my sons--washing it over my tired heart and keeping my eyes on the One who straightens my path. It is enough for me and enough for my sons.

Wearing a posture of prayer as lifeline, hope, desperate plea to the God Who can."