Discipline - Practicals

Here's what we're doing in our home right now for discipline:

• Natural consequences - These are consequences that vary from situation to situation. They require some creativity and some quick thinking sometimes, but I think they can be most effective at times. Some examples are:
  • If Landon throws his blocks, he gets his blocks taken away.
  • If Landon throws his food on the floor, he has to pick it up.
  • If he is not obeying while we play outside, we have to go inside.
• Time out - This is most effective when Landon just needs some time to decide to make the right choice or when he needs time to cool down. Here are our procedures:
  • Landon goes to his time out spot and has to tell us why he's in time out.
  • We tell him why his behavior is not acceptable (usually with a Bible verse) and what he could/should have done differently. - He'll have to tell us this as he gets older.
  • We leave him there for 2 minutes (1 minute per year of age). Sometimes, though, he has to stay there until he's ready to do whatever it is that we want him to do. For example, he kept protesting to supper (wouldn't even let us put him in his high chair) tonight, so we told him he had to sit there until he was ready to come to the table with us.
  • We return and again he tells us why he's there.
  • We again explain why his behavior was wrong and what he should have done differently.
  • We apologize to mom/dad or whomever was offended.
  • We pray and ask for God's forgiveness and for help to do better.
  • We give hugs and kisses.
• Spanking - I fought with myself long and hard on this one. Craig and I were both spanked as we were growing up, and we both turned out pretty well (I think ;). We have great relationships with our parents. We never doubted their love for us. We're not, nor have we ever been, violent. I think we turned out ok. We had always planned on spanking our children when necessary. That being said, I had a really hard time with it when it came to spanking my own child. It always felt harsh and unloving until I read Creative Correction and Don't Make Me Count to Three. (I highly recommend Creative Correction. It is a wonderful resource! Don't Make Me Count to Three gives some great tips on reaching children's hearts and on spanking, but it seems to advocate spanking as the best and only method of discipline, which I disagree.) With the help of these two books, I changed a few things in the way that I spanked, and it made all the difference. Here's how we do it:
  • We give a warning first. "If you do not stop ___, I am going to have to spank you." (If Landon is doing something that he knows is unacceptable - like pulling my hair when he gets angry - we do not give him a warning first. We skip straight to the next step.)
  • If the behavior continues, we tell him that we are going to spank him and have him tell us why. We also explain why his behavior was wrong and what he could have done differently. Then, we spank him. (This is different than how I was originally doing it. I was warning him first, but if the behavior continued, I would just spank him. I did not like how it always seemed to catch him off guard and how it seemed like a rash reaction on my part to his disobedience. I feel much better telling him that it's coming.)
  • I read in one of the books (can't remember which one), that you should tell them how many "licks" they are going to get before you start. So far, Landon only gets one.
  • Then, we again explain why he received the spanking, why his behavior was wrong, and what he could have done differently.
  • Landon has to apologize and pray for forgiveness and help to do better.
  • Hugs and kisses
  • PLEASE NOTE…we never spank him when we are angry, and neither of us is violent or given to abuse. As a matter of fact, Landon rarely even cries when he gets a spanking. It is very much a gentle, teaching/learning time for him. He is all hugs and kisses and smiles when it's over, and he always corrects his behavior afterwards.
  • Another note…I do not think spanking is the only method for discipline. I think it is one tool, but it is not always the best tool. It works well for a toddler who does not understand long term consequences like loosing privileges or having to do extra chores. I do not think it works on all children, and I do not think it is always a good option.
• Happy/Sad jar - We have not implemented this yet, but I plan to very soon. I am going to have a jar with a happy face and a jar with a sad face on it. Each will be half filled with cotton balls. When Landon does something that makes God (and others) happy, we will move a cotton ball from the sad jar to the happy jar. When he does something that makes God (and others) sad, we will move one from the happy jar to the sad jar. When the happy jar is filled up, we will have a special treat. I am hoping this will help him begin to understand that his actions affect other people and that God cares about our actions. (This idea was from Creative Correction.)
• Fruit of the Spirit Tree - This is another one that I have not implemented yet, but I plan to. I did this in my third grade classroom, and it was great. I think even Landon will understand it. I will have a paper tree and paper fruit cut-outs. When Landon exhibits one of the "Fruits of the Spirit" (Gal 5:22), he will get to put a piece of fruit on the tree. When the tree is all filled up, we'll get a special fruity treat…some fruit sorbet or smoothie or something.

My main concern and prayer in disciplining Landon is reaching his heart. Eventually, I want him to obey out of his love for God. Right now, he is obeying because he wants to avoid consequences or earn rewards. In order for us to reach his heart, Craig and I have to be diligent about seeking God's wisdom in how to handle each and every situation - what words to use when correcting him, how to have a firm but loving tone of voice and facial expressions, having patience when dealing with Landon's persistence, etc. The biggest thing we have to remember is that our handling of the situation should not just correct his behavior but it should lovingly point him to God.